number 2.
it is summer vacation so everything should just fall into place right? yeah okay. i have been feeling so lonely lately. it’s difficult to explain though. i want company, but when i have people around me i want to be alone again. except around a few people. these people i need to keep me stable and secure. i wish one person could just understand how much they mean to me.
for the past two nights i have been having this reoccuring dream about someone who i have such an extreme hatred for. this person promised me everything, and broke everything we had just to get with some girl and smoke weed. some life right? see when the guy that you adored goes for another girl who is just disgusting, it really does a number on your self esteem. seriously? i only hate two peole in this world and this person is one of them. the other is a long story.
i turned nineteen a few weeks ago and the day after i got my cartilage pierced. i’ve wanted that done since i was eleven years old. for the first few days it was sore but that is to be expected. friday however, holy shit it hurt more then anything. it finally does not hurt anymore and i am ecstatic about that. so one person is occupying my mind right now. i wish they knew that. but my gut is telling me to just give up.
i went to best buy yesterday to get a new case for my itouch, and to look at nikon slr cameras that i will not be able to afford on my part time job salary. i kept thinking about this one camera that i saw and went back to best buy to look at it today and the guy who was helping me requested me on facebook when i got home. i only told him my first name…yeah i am never going back to that best buy.
for now my ranting is done. i’ll be up until about one-two listening to the new “of mice & men” album. and i’ll be going to bed thinking about this one person. like i have been since february.
-rachel.
